her vagine was all disorganized.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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