Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
