i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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