So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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