they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
