i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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