No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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