We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
