Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
tell me about the fingering
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