Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
