I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
