I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
