He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
