oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
