apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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