I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
