Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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