All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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