I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
