i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
