you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
