Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
