Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
