So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think i got beer on your cat.
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