He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
