We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I didn't notice because vodka
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
