I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
