we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
