JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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