i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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