Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
