We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
