I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will be naked everywhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
