listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
