Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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