you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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