It's Friday. Sex?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
