its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
