Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
