JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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