he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
