matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont even know how to be here
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't turn off my feet"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
