Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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