Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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