the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize