is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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