I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
