Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
