I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
