their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
