PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
