You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
