It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize