I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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