I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
