Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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