Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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