happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
