yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
