Say something about gay babies.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
