one might say we're banned from that church
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
