The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
