Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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