Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
