he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
