Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize