I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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