I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i now understand why vodka
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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