everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
