How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
