this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
