dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
