I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
