Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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