thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
