god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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